So when you have those days when you are snapping at kids and frustrated at even the smallest infraction. Give yourself a break. You have the hardest and the arguably the most important job on the planet. These little hooligans futures as well as the future of how they impact civilization depends not on your performance this minute or even necessarily this day but over the months and years you parent them.
So when I'm having a rough patch I figure I need to teach these kids that we all have off days. Days when we'd rather not do what we should do. Days when I'd rather be selfish and not selfless. Days when I'd rather just not wake up. And how I parent on those days greatly impacts how my kids act when they are tired or hungry, or when they are managing an emotion bigger than they know what to do with, like anger.
Lana has emotions bigger than she knows how to manage. So at 3 and a half we do a lot of naming. What emotion am I feeling. Why? What can I do to truthfully let this emotion exist without hurting someone else? I don't think there's anything wrong with being pissed off at someone. As long as you can be angry and not hurt someone there's no reason they shouldn't know you're mad and why. Then it's up to them to tell you how they feel and what they think of your feeling.
Lana often gets mad at Theo and just resorts to screaming and whining. She just breaks down instead of actually being able to productively say anything that could make the situation better.
So we practice. If you're angry. Say ----I'M ANGRY!-----
And say why ---YOU BROKE MY PILLOW FORT! I WORKED ON THIS HARD!---
Theo is a bit flighty. It's not that he doesn't *care* it's that he's careless. Does that make sense? So often if Lana can get him to focus AND she can speak clearly. He'll often see what he's done that isn't acceptable and even tell her he's sorry. Pretty remarkable for a two-year old, I think.
Amani and Zeke are just oblivious. They are 14 months going on space-cadets. They'll grab your hair, pinch you, and smack you with a matchbox car with no awareness that it hurts. I'm trying to get the concept of --pain-- to sink in with them. Gentle is a nice thought but a far-away dream at this point. And Theo's response to intrusion (on something he's focused on) and certainly to (in his opinion) an attack is to throw-down some big-brother butt-kicking.
All to say I have a day-full of conflict resolutions from the second I wake up. And when I'm not on my game let's just say the day goes rocky. If not fully careening off a cliff.
It's on those days. We watch TV. There. I said it. Sometimes we just eat popcorn for lunch. And if I'm really lazy. We might have popcorn for lunch and ice cream for dinner.
The point is --- they are good kids and taking down my standards on days when I'm not up to meeting mine--- is better for everyone.
And then there's tomorrow to be Supermom.
