Do not worry

I worry about Theo. I don't like the fact he's had this virus now for 4 days and that he's eating so little. I can't help but attribute some part of it to the twins arrival. He started feeling sick on Tuesday night and they got here on early Sunday morning and it's been such a whirlwind I can't even remember how he was acting before getting sick. I'm sure he'll be fine but he is not fine now, and that weighs on my heart and mind. As much as I'm amazed by how effortlessly the twins have adjusted to us. I think about Theo and it makes me sad to wonder if a bit of the emotionality is jealousy or anger at the new arrivals. And not just lack of sleep and feeling lousey. Poor guy.

I'm sad but I KNOW he's going to be fine. He's going to adjust to all this. And so will I. I guess I just wish I could reassure him NOW and make it clear to him NOW that it is OK. That there's nothing to worry about. That while a lot has changed -- we haven't changed. I'm still his and he's mine. That's hard to communicate to an almost 2 year old.

He cries really easily these days and also gets angry fast. Doesn't want to eat. Can't sleep because he's sick and feels terrible. Puked 2 times. Doctor says it's a virus and another kid we know also has this virus and he also feels lousy and isn't acting himself.

It could be I'm just reading into things too much. But that's what mom's do eh? We fret about our kids.

I look at Amani and I can tell he has a lazy eye. I saw it right away. I had a lazy eye too. I think it was the same one as Amani; the left eye. It's SO obvious with Amani because he's very focused for a little 13 month old when he works on something and then off goes his left eye to some other place than what's in front of him. Amani is little too and not weak exactly but when sat beside Zeke he looks more frail. Zeke is sort of a monster even though he's only 1 kilo bigger than Amani there's just something more HARDY about Zeke. And so here I go again and worry about Amani. About his eye. About the fact that he doesn't seem to work his legs yet. Things that I'm hoping will sort themselves out and could be attributed to a lot of things. Yet...

Zeke also has a lazy eye not as blatant as Amani but it's there. And he's got some weird skin thing going on that is just not ok. Little pustule things on his face and hands. I'm taking him to the doctor and having that checked out. Ew. I hate skin things. I had flesh-eating bacteria in Peace Corps and I think I'm scarred for life (no pun intended). It just makes me itch.

And Lana, what am I worrying about with her. Well she's un-potty trained herself. That had NOTHING to do with the twins and everything to do with the poo poo experience from Hell. I will spare you details but suffice it to say that after two hell-poo experiences she had to go on laxatives for 2 weeks in order to go #2 AND psychologically accept that pooing didn't have to be a horror movie. And so she un-potty trained herself. It was traumatic. For me and her. God I want her to be potty trained. God I want all of them to be potty trained! I really don't like poo. I don't like diapers. I don't like washing my hands knowing I just touched poo. YUCK!

How's that for honest.

But I LOVE them, my lazy-eyed, traumatized, emotional messes. It's cool because I'm one too. So we get each other.

So God. In case your eavesdropping I know I'm not -supposed- to worry but I am and I do. So since I'm so tired because Theo kept me up the entire night because he was sick-sad or sad-sick for who-knows-what-reason but the end result is that I'm too tired tonight-even to worry.

So tag you're IT. I'm going to bed.