Love

is patient

Well here I am again.  I fell off the blog-wagon for a while there.  Sorry to anybody out there hanging on the edge of your seat.

We're in a bit of a circus over here.  So I hope you forgive me.

I had the insane idea to try to repotty train Lana AND also educate Theo on all things potty this week and THAT sorta pushed me over the edge.  **NEWS UPDATE** Theo has been put on hold for potty-training until further notice. Just too impractical to try to shadow that guy all the time while I'm trying to bond with the new kids on the block; that boy pees on everything.

Lana is in absolute miracle land.  She's back.  She can potty. The girl has game. 

A bit of backstory.  May be TMI for some of you.  If you have ever been in a third world country and routinely talk about poo this will not faze you one bit.

Lana had EXTREME constipation one time but it was all it took.  She ended up ripping her hoo-hah and her poo-poo and let me tell you I have not ever heard even an injured animal make the noise she did.  That said, she stopped going. PERIOD.  When I say PERIOD.  I mean nothing waste-product exited her body without a fight. And it was AWFUL. 

Cut to.  A few nights ago she was having another relapse (I think it was Sunday night) where she had a really hard poo and all that TERRIBLE AWFUL came back and the girl was screaming crying and generally having a psychotic break while going #2 when I just started to pray out loud for her while hugging her (because that literally was how she managed to go at all with me hugging her and crying too).  Anyways, I'm praying that the spirit of SHOCK and TRAUMA would be broken off of her. (a friend of mine told me about this one time-Krista thank you).  Anyways, I pray this and then she manages to actually poo for the first time since OCTOBER on the potty.  Granted it was still awful but it was progress.

The next day and ever since (every single day this week) she has gone potty with no screaming, no fear, and no tears.   I don't know if you can grasp how big a deal that is. Let me emphasize it is HUGE.

So.  That's one Amazing-Thank-You-God.

And the second thing I wanted to share.  Was something another friend helped prod out of me.  (This one is from Aisha, thanks girl!).  She asked me on a moms-night-out how things were going with the twins. 

Now generally I just say fine because they are.  It's fine. It's all good.  We're enjoying chaos and actually all getting along just fine!

But she wanted MORE.  So I had to think about it.  And the honest truth is. I met the twins on February 28, 2011.  I felt NOTHING.  I saw these two little babies 4 months old and so small.  They both had scabies and smelled like poo-pee because at the orphanage they were changed only every time they were fed.  There heads were funny-shaped.  They were not attractive. I did not have this overwhelming sense of love for them.  Nuthin.

But when I met them I decided I would pray for them.  And so I started to pray for them, almost every night. Every night I would pray that angels would hold them and love them when others failed to give them enough.  Every night I prayed for their health and their sense of attachment to each other.  I prayed that they would not lack for attention, even if the attention had to be supernatural because earthly attention was not possible in a busy orphanage with lots of small ones.

And slowly I started to bond with them, I guess.  Because when the boys were given to me, both asleep since they arrived late at night/early in the morning 2am on November 20th, I think I really did breathe out in relief that NOW I could do something physical on earth for them instead of just pray.  But in the time that passed I think I took ownership of them, my affection was set upon them. 

I fell in love.

And so, when asked how I feel about them, whether I feel like they are MINE now.  I think what happened is that since I met them that first time I had to place them in God's hands.  That's what I did because I believe in God and I was helpless to really do anything more than pray and work my butt off to try and get the adoption to go through.  And in doing that I was taking ownership of them in the only way I could from that distance.  I chose to think about them.  To pray every night. I didn't know a thing about how Zeke likes to giggle and lay on his tummy.  Or how Amani will yell at you the ENTIRE time you're feeding him because he really is just THAT hungry.  So now, I know them but I already decided to love them.  It's like when you're physically pregnant.  You can't HELP but notice that your belly is growing and you don't KNOW this little person inside of you but you can't help but start to think about them and take ownership of them. I think by praying for them and starting to treat them as my responsibility since February it was just like welcoming my kids home instead of starting a relationship.

I think they feel it too.